The Inner Gym Read online

  Copyright © 2014 Light Watkins

  All rights reserved

  No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without permission in writing from the author. The only exception is by a reviewer, who may quote short excerpts in a published review.

  The information presented here represents the author’s views as of the date of publication. This book is for informational purposes only. Due to the rate at which conditions change, the author reserves the right to alter and update his opinions at any time. While the author has made every attempt to verify the information in this book, the author does not assume any responsibility for errors, inaccuracies, or omissions.

  FIRST EDITION

  Cover design by Janina Brandão

  Portrait by Danika Singfield

  Watkins, Light

  The Inner Gym: A 30-day Workout For Strengthening Happiness

  Light Watkins—First edition.

  ISBN 978-0-9908118-0-0

  DEDICATED TO

  All of my teachers

  and to those who inspired the

  stories within this book

  THANK YOU TO MY EDITORS

  Bruce Lilly, Lisa Gonzalez, Linnea Hunt-Stewart, and Vivian Delchamps

  A special thanks to all of my Beta testers:

  Torrey DeVitto, Everett Goldner, Donna Hansen, Tiffany Baker, Dzee Louise, Tahlia Gray, Omar Ross, Winston Scully, Arvo Zylo, Leonid Rozenberg, Kendy Veazie, AE Gaupp, Jonathan Leaf, Melissa Ryan, Amy Wohl, James Brown, Laura Hall, Matt Ushkow,

  Boaz Reisman, Janean Mann, Emily Cavalier,

  Kendra Walker, and Erica Berger

  And to my family and friends who supported

  and encouraged me to keep writing, namely

  Bryndan Moore, Dhru Purohit, Antonio Neves,

  Will Dalton, and my beloved teacher Thom Knoles

  YOUR INNER WORKOUT PLAN

  PREFACE

  WARM UP

  HOW TO USE THIS BOOK

  EXERCISE 1: BE STILL (days 1 to 5)

  Why Meditation?

  Meditation Instructions

  Outer Gym Equivalent

  Meditation Exercise Log

  EXERCISE 2: BE THANKFUL (days 6 to 10)

  Why Gratitude?

  Gratitude Instructions

  Outer Gym Equivalent

  Gratitude Exercise Log

  EXERCISE 3: RECEIVE FREELY (days 11 to 15)

  Why Receiving?

  Receiving Instructions

  Outer Gym Equivalent

  Receiving Exercise Log

  EXERCISE 4: SLOW DOWN (days 16 to 20)

  Why Slow Down?

  Slowing Down Instructions

  Outer Gym Equivalent

  Slow Down Exercise Log

  EXERCISE 5: BE PATIENT (days 21 to 25)

  Why Be Patient?

  Patience Instructions

  Outer Gym Equivalent

  Patience Exercise Log

  EXERCISE 6: GIVE FREELY (days 26 to 30)

  Why Give?

  Giving Instructions

  Outer Gym Equivalent

  Giving Exercise Log

  COOL DOWN

  END NOTES

  It is difficult to find happiness within oneself,

  but it is impossible to find it anywhere else.

  — Arthur Schopenhauer

  PREFACE

  One afternoon, while in between appointments, I decided to grab a bite at one of my favorite vegan restaurants in Beverly Hills, figuring I could use the downtime to craft a response to an email I had recently received from a client regarding money—my least favorite subject to discuss over email. As I was enjoying my meal, the waiter approached my table wearing a cautious grin. “Can I ask you a question?” he said.

  “Sure,” I replied, placing my fork down to give him my full attention.

  “What do you do for a living?”

  Before I could say anything, he continued, “I’m just asking because you seem so happy, and it made me wonder what kind of job you had.”

  “I teach people how to meditate,” I replied.

  “Of course you do,” he said, with a toothy smile. “It’s rare to meet someone who is so genuinely happy.”

  “Thank you for saying that,” I responded, a little surprised by his compliment, “but this is a vegan restaurant, and aren’t vegans typically pretty happy too?”

  “Your happiness is different,” he answered. “It seems so effortless.”

  While I’ve heard this comment from strangers before, what I couldn’t help but find ironic about my waiter’s observation was that I never once thought about being happy. In fact, I’d been preoccupied by the money email, and I didn’t feel that there was anything especially joyous about our interaction, which mainly consisted of our greeting, and my ordering a dish.

  Regardless, the waiter kept asserting that I was exuding this rare form of happiness, and he needed to understand its source. He began firing questions at me: “What kind of meditation did I teach?” “How did it work?” and “How long did I meditate for each day?”

  Shortly after that exchange, I hosted what some would call a “spiritual” gathering where I led an open meditation, followed by a brief talk on consciousness. A young woman named Amber was in attendance along with about 20 others. She was invited by a mutual acquaintance and sat quietly in the back. Later that night, Amber sent me an email stating that she felt inspired to learn meditation from me. Her reason:

  “There is such a peace within you. You’re effortlessly happy, consistently, and for no apparent reason, and I would love to have that.”

  Her email, coupled with my interaction in the vegan restaurant a day earlier, triggered a flashback to the moment when I first met my meditation teacher in 2003. He also seemed effortlessly happy, and after only a few minutes in his presence, I was ready to drink the Kool-Aid, so to speak. In fact, my meditation teacher would’ve easily registered at a ten-out-of-ten on the “Happiness Scale.”

  A little backstory: I once had a friend who liked asking people where they would rank their happiness on a scale from zero to ten, with a zero being severely depressed, and a ten being as happy as they could imagine feeling. The number they chose defined their “baseline level of happiness,” and thus the answer to his question. According to my friend, most people’s answers fell between a six and an eight.

  Once the baseline level of happiness was determined (assuming they weren’t at a ten) his next question was, “What would it take to get you to a ten?”

  I’ve asked people this question before as well, and the most common answer I’ve received has been some variation of, "If only I had more money..."

  What’s interesting about that answer is how, according to extensive research on happiness, once our basic necessities are provided for, having more money does surprisingly little to increase it. In some instances, having more money can decrease our level of happiness!

  In practical terms, if it were true that more money led to greater happiness, all of the wealthiest people on the planet would rate themselves at a permanent ten-out-of-ten on the happiness scale. The Mark Zuckerbergs, Warren Buffets, and Oprah Winfreys of the world would be happy 100% of the time. Obviously, this is not the case.

  According to the 2013 World Happiness Report, the United States of America, despite its unprecedented number of millionaires, billionaires and tech leaders, ranks only 17th on the list of the happiest nations.i The citizens of Iceland, Costa Rica and Panama (all countries with less wealth per capita) describe themselves as being happier, particularly when factoring in variables such as social support, perception of corruption, life expectancy, freedom to make life choices, and generosity. In fact, while
the size of America’s gross domestic product (GDP) has increased since 2007, individual levels of happiness have been on a steady decline.

  I remember reading about a Dr. Carl Jung interview where he expressed his take on the correlation between wealth and happiness. Dr. Jung worked as a prominent psychiatrist all over the world for more than 50 years, and in the interview, the journalist asked Dr. Jung the following hypothetical question: if he could choose between working exclusively with wealthy patients or poor patients, which would he prefer? Without much hesitation, Dr. Jung said he’d choose the wealthy. This of course shocked the journalist into asking, “Why not the poor?” His answer: wealthy people often have the same problems as poor people, except they don’t waste my time thinking the solution lies in having more money.

  Jung was not suggesting that there was something inherently wrong with making money, improving our circumstances, accomplishing goals, or seeking out adventure and fun. He was just affirming what modern-day happiness studies have concluded: there is little correlation between achieving wealth and being a self-described “happy” person.

  The initial wave of happiness we feel as a result of accomplishing our goals or finding material success favors the trajectory of your average two-dollar temporary tattoo—it’s vibrant in the beginning, but faded after a few days. If Dr. Jung and the World Happiness Report are right, and the answer to becoming happier does not lie in acquiring more wealth, then where exactly is the source of our happiness?

  The path to happiness was outlined in no uncertain terms 2,500 years ago by the Buddha, who supposedly said, “There is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way.” In other words, happiness is not and has never been the by-product of acquisitions, but a lively state of consciousness that, once accessed, allows us to feel happy inside, and often for no particular reason.

  While this advice rings true deep within our core, we may still wrestle with it because our cultural indoctrination takes the opposing view. Advertisements, songs, and movies teach us that happiness is not the starting point, but the end result of achieving material success, and finding true love; if we’re not happy, it’s likely because we haven’t met the right person, bought the right item or had the right experience. This thinking is deeply ingrained into the psyche of every Western teenager approaching adulthood: if you fall in love with the right person, or get the right job, or come up with the million-dollar idea, or sell your company, you’ll live happily ever after. The Buddha counters this logic by suggesting that you may be happy for a little while, but eventually you’ll feel the same way you felt before your big achievement.

  For argument’s sake, let us suppose we side with the Buddha, and adopt the belief that there is no way to happiness—that happiness itself is the way. The question then becomes, if happiness is the way and not the end goal, how is it possible to be happy? If I’m clinically depressed, or if I owe more money than I make, if my spouse cheats on me, if I lose someone close to me, or if all of the above is happening to me at once, how can I be happy?

  “You need to choose to be happy,” a good friend or trusted confidant may advise you, as if choosing happiness over misery, anger, or fear is as simple as choosing to wear a blue shirt instead of a yellow one. Secondly, if it is that easy to choose to be happy, then why are fewer people in America choosing it each year? If happiness was just a choice away, why would anxiety disorders, including depression, count for a whopping one-fifth of all mental disabilities?ii My theory—the one that prompted me to title this book The Inner Gym—is that being happy is actually less of a choice and more like doing a pull-up.

  We are what we repeatedly do.

  Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.

  — Aristotle

  WARM UP

  Being able to do a pull-up is largely dependent not on choice, but on physical strength. What if feeling happy inside was dependent not on choice, but on emotional strength? If true, then telling someone to override feelings of depression or anxiety and “choose to be happy” would be akin to telling someone who has never exercised before to overlook their muscle weakness and choose to do ten pull-ups.

  The physically weak person will understandably view the task of doing ten pull-ups as frustrating and most likely impossible. It’s not that he lacks the potential, the will, or the understanding of how to do a pull-up. He simply isn’t strong enough for his will to match the demand of doing ten pull-ups.

  However, someone else who has been training regularly will be better prepared to meet that same demand successfully, no matter when or where it is placed on her. The main difference is that one person invested the time to develop the required amount of physical strength to meet the demand, and the other person did not. Inner muscles work similarly.

  By “inner muscles,” I’m not referring to physical muscles, but to those internal forces that provide you with the strength and dexterity to successfully meet your emotional demands while preserving your inherent optimism, positivity and happiness.

  An emotional demand could be any of the following:

  • Moving on after a relationship ends abruptly

  • Having a difficult conversation

  • Feeling rejected, disrespected or unappreciated

  • Losing a close friend or relative

  • Being verbally attacked

  Meeting any of these demands affects us emotionally, no matter how well-adjusted we are. They would significantly draw down on anyone’s happiness levels—at least initially. For instance, it is doubtful that the average person would feel happy immediately after being verbally attacked or taunted by a loved one. But after some time passes (studies say emotions typically don’t last longer than about 90 seconds)iii, the distressful feelings should taper off. If, on the other hand, those negative feelings linger for several days, weeks, or even years after the incident, it is likely a sign of weak inner muscles.

  Not being able to successfully adapt to emotional demands that are extremely commonplace in daily life can feel crippling, and lead to emotional instability. Let’s look at some of the common symptoms of long-term emotional imbalance:

  • You often feel the need to recount negative experiences from your past

  • You are easily triggered into feeling anxious

  • Your mind runs a seemingly endless series of negative thought-patterns

  • You frequently think of harming yourself or others

  • You tend to be pessimistic most of the time

  • You are often reactive, confrontational, argumentative or disagreeable

  • You have low self esteem

  • You feel depressed

  • It is difficult for you to sleep or even just relax without medication, causing you to feel on edge

  We don’t usually associate the above symptoms with happy people. It’s not to say that people who display these symptoms are incapable of being happy, or that happy people never have these feelings. But there are ways to better understand how to “work out” our inner muscles, which can lead to greater emotional balance, even for those with severe or inherited chemical imbalances (Disclaimer: the suggestions presented in this book are not meant to replace doctor-prescribed medical treatment for chemical imbalances).

  People with weak inner muscles may be happy some of the time, but their happiness is temporal, and linked to favorable external circumstances, such as getting a bonus at work. Unfavorable changes in external circumstances often lead to dramatic fluctuations in mood, or desperate attempts to control one’s environment. In addition, one may feel unsubstantiated fear, sadness, anger or boredom.

  Conversely, happy people with strong inner muscles can experience the inevitable losses and rejections of daily life and still find an easier time meeting those demands successfully. For them, happiness is not a choice that they must consciously make in difficult times; it is a state of awareness that they experience within themselves. Here are common symptoms of operating from an inner state of happiness, as a result of hav
ing strong inner muscles:

  • Your natural inclination is to see the best in others

  • You smile easily and don’t take yourself too seriously

  • You feel a genuine sense of present moment awareness

  • Your thoughts are mostly creative, positive and optimistic

  • You often think of helping others before helping yourself

  • You tend to be more empathetic, compassionate and caring

  • You feel happy most of the time (in spite of your external circumstances)

  • You fall asleep easily and feel rested upon awakening

  The idea of the inner gym is to condition you to feel effortlessly happy, despite your ever-changing external circumstances or your temporary emotional states.

  To give it a little more practical context, let’s say that you discover unexpected traffic on your way to an important job interview, and having to adapt to this change of expectation is the emotional equivalent of doing ten military-style push-ups in under a minute. Many people would find that demand challenging, but not impossible.

  But what if the demand was bigger? Let’s suppose that you were in a passionate three-year love affair that ended abruptly because your lover met someone else. To successfully adapt to this much larger emotional demand would be the equivalent of having to do 900 push-ups within five hours. What would it take for you (or anyone) to meet a physical demand of that severity? Wouldn’t it heavily depend on the condition of your physical strength? Completing 900 push-ups within five hours is an average of three push-ups a minute for 300 straight minutes. If you’ve been training, it’s certainly possible. If not, you may pass out from exhaustion after a couple of hours.

  To take this example further, what if, after five hours, you don’t finish all 900 push-ups and a new demand of 500 squats within three hours is placed on you. And after that, another demand of 500 pull-ups within four hours was coming? You may feel paralyzed by the very thought of having to perform so many exercises in such a short amount of time. Again, for someone who trains regularly, these are not unreasonably difficult physical goals, even when stacked on top of one another. Sure, they will be tough, but they are not impossible.